Spam, Spam, Love, and Spam

I love SPAM. What's wrong with me? SPAM was our primary source of protein as we camped up the Eastern Sierras on our honeymoon and so holds many fond memories for me.
Recently I've been watching a lot of Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern, and when I saw his Hawaii show where he had SPAM pineapple upside down cake, my love for that salty, pink, canned meat renewed.
Tonight we're having cornbread and SPAM broccoli for dinner here's the recipe:

1 12oz can of SPAM, chopped up
cornbread mix
broccoli (frozen)
corn
cheese, grated

Preheat oven to 400 degrees
mix up the cornbread and mix in corn and SPAM
pour into a greased pan, cook for about 15 minutes, the bread should be only partly cooked
spread broccoli on top, sprinkle cheese on top
throw back in oven until bread is done.


I'm trying to convince H-man that SPAM isn't all that bad (remember all the happy memories?) and slowly work him up to the SPAM pineapple upside down cake.
Wish me luck.

Math

H-man: Guess what the population of Alpine County was in 2006.
Me: Hmmm, 1500 people?
H:Less
M: uh 1200?
H: more
M:One thousand seven hundred?
H: That's more than 1500
M: oh, um, One thousand three hundred and five hundred?
H: What?
M: I don't know.

Zen and the Art of Breastfeeding in Public

We went to the zoo. Mom and H-man walked around while I found a quiet bench near the mountain lions. I whipped out the boob and the baby chowed down. It was as simple as that. Until the people came. Lots of people, most who avoided my general bench area. Many who did not notice me, and several who commented on what I was doing (all positive).
It's getting easier every day. The mountain lions seemed to enjoy watching us, or they were eying the delicious morsel I had cradled in my arms.

One month and 3 days

I get as much sleep as I need. I go to bed around midnight and get out of bed around 1:30 the next afternoon. This, by no means, says that I am sleeping 13 and half hours a day. We wake up every two to three hours for about an hour to feed the baby and change pee-pee diapers. On good nights he'll sleep for three hours, wake up to eat for 20 minutes and then go back to sleep. On bad nights he'll sleep for an hour and eat for and hour.
Thank god for my wonderful husband. I don't know how single moms do it, and I don't ever want to find out.

Going out is getting easier. No longer does it take an hour to get him ready, and the car seat is a snap. The hard part is feeding in public. I suppose after labor and every nurse and doctor at the hospital seeing my poonanner and boobs I should be less modest.

Motherhood

I have managed to keep a human baby alive for two whole weeks now. This is no small feat as I often lose interest in projects very quickly (see also: violins, telescopes, knitting, writing the great American novel.) I suppose it helps when the project literally demands your attention every two hours at least and is so cute and cuddly that you don't want to let the project out of your sight.
Sure I'm tired, but it's worth it. Anyway I get 8 hours of sleep, eventually, through the day.

A few gripes:
Breast Pumps: Obviously designed by a man. I sit on the bed pumping and watching the dairy cows in our backyard and feel their plight. The cows and I, we are sisters.

Frequency of Diaper Changes:
The baby pees, you want him to feel comfortable so you change him. He then feels comfortable enough to poop. So you change him again. Then he pees while you're changing him. It's insane.

Hormones: While I was still in the hospital, that movie "Overboard" came on TV. I watched it up until the part where Goldie Hawn remembers who she is, I had to turn it off because I was crying too hard.

But really, everything else is pure joy. So sorry, fellow panda mothers, I shall not be joining your ranks.

Modesty

I knew that it was very common to poop on the delivery table, I was prepared for that. And by "prepared for that" I mean I made sure that I did my business before I was too far gone into labor to not. I watched my friend give birth many years ago and the thing I remember most about the delivery wasn't the beautiful miracle, but instead my friend calling out "ooohh I'm pooping!" and several large turds coming out.
When it came down to it, they told me "push like you're having a big bowel movement". I did, but I still held back a little, much to the frustration of my doctor and nurses.
A few days ago H-man and I were reminiscing on the labor, and I said to him "you know when they told me to basically poop on the table? Well, I didn't push all the way, not because I didn't want to poop in front of everyone. I was more afraid that I would let out a huge fart, and then I would have had to die."
And that's the truth. Women are silly.

Thursday part 2

Looking back on Thursday December 3rd now, it's a little difficult to remember every detail and even more exhausting trying to describe everything. We went to the hospital that morning, fully not expecting to leave with a baby. In fact, I tell H-man now that even when I was pregnant, the concept of having a child was totally lost on me.
We arrived at the hospital at 7 a.m. and five hours later I was begging for drugs. I have never felt so much pain in my life. I had a rock dropped on my head when I was 10 years old, but I barely felt that. The pain can't really be described. As I was laying there, being hooked up to an iv drip that would soon bring sweet relief, I concentrated on the sensation, attempting to describe to myself what it was like. The closest I think I can come to explaining what the pain was is that it felt as if I was being squeezed around my belly by a large snake and that its fangs were pumping hot acid into my lower back.
The drugs brought fleeting relief, and and hour later, gripping the sides of the bed, voice shaking and tears running down my face I whispered the fatal word I swore I would never utter: "epidural". You see, a natural birth was extremely important to me. In child birthing class we did an exercise where we layed out in flashcards what would be the most important aspects of childbirth, for example: natural tear vs. being cut, cesarean vs. vaginal delivery. The top of my list included no pain medication and for H-man to be with me.
I got the epidural, and I'm glad I did. My pain level was near the top of the scale, a 10, but quickly dropped to a blessed, sweet 0. As the anesthesiologist placed the needle in my spine, my water broke and labor really swung into full gear. Thank God for pain management. I may have asked the anesthesiologist to father my next child. I love that man, he does wonderful things.
Hours later, H-man ran home to get a few things, that very moment a doctor I had never met came in, shook my hand hello, looked at my cervix and broke out the stirrups and three nurses in green wheeled in a "delivery table". As the nurses bickered among themselves on the lay out of the tools on the table, I plead with the doctor to please wait for H-man to come back, "please he will be right back, please!"
"push!" the doctor responded. I began to cry, "no, no, I can't yet, please can we wait!?"
"Push!" he replied, but I wouldn't. Nothing was coming out of me without my husband in the room, goddammit.
Moments later my beautiful, wonderful husband came back, looking quite stricken that I had my feet up in the stirrups and this doctor was telling me to push. I took his hand and then I pushed.
Pushing out our son is the most incredible thing I've ever done. Looking at it now, and reflection of that day I still can't picture myself doing these things but after an hour of pushing, and pooping in front of my husband, a doctor I had just met, and three nurses who I will never remember, our baby was born.
I often read about women giving birth and feeling this rush of love and light flow over them as they see their baby for the first time. In all honesty I felt I would be more like a panda bear that rejects their cub. I was wrong. When they put our son on my chest, all gooey and gross, that wave of warmth and love washed over me. I touched his tiny, slimy body with my fingers and stared at his swirls of dark hair. Incredible.
Our baby was born at 8:46 pm on Decemeber 3rd 2009. Four full weeks early, 5lbs 11 oz and 18 1/4 inches long.