New Favorite Book

While cleaning out our storage unit last weekend, we found this little gem:
Wood's Illustrated Natural History published by Altemus in an unknown year.
This book is now my favorite book, for various reasons, not the least of them being that it is so totally ridiculous it makes me laugh more than a Fannie Flagg book.
While the book is informative on the different types of animals known around the world at the year of publication, most of this information is how to kill and cook these animals. Or how to keep them in captivity.
Some excerpts from this "children's book"
On gorillas:

• "The old father remains seated at the foot of the tree. If you can approach close enough to shoot him, you may then kill the rest of the family at your ease"
• " A woman was brought to me who stated that she herself had excited the passions of a Gorilla and had hardly escaped him"

Lions:

• "at the extremity of the lion's tail there is a small hook or claw, which has been represented as the means by which the animal lashes himself into a fury, using it as a spur. This is impossible, as the claw or prickle is very small, not fixed to the bone as the claws of the feet are, but merely attached to the skin, and falls off it roughly handled. It is not present in all lions."

Wolves:

• "In one case a man and his wife, who were riding in a sleigh through the woods, were so hard pressed by Wolves that they saved themselves only by throwing out their children one by one, to be devoured by the hungry beast. It is said that in Russia more than two hundred human beings are killed by Wolves every year..."

Albatross:

• The voracity of the Albatross renders it an easy prey. A hook is baited with a piece of blubber, fastened firmly to a string, and suffered to tow astern. the bird sweeps down to seize its prey, and is arrested by the hook, by means of which it is drawn into the ship. It seems rather remarkable that a bird that lives n or over the sea during its whole life should prove a landsman when taken on board. Yet, when caught and placed on deck it begins to stagger about, and soon becomes as thoroughly sea-sick as the most inexperienced sailor."

Tortoises:

• (about a tortoise he owned for a period) "It's food consisted of bread and milk, which it ate several times a day... Tortoises are generally long loved, but this animal died within a few months after it came into my possession, in all probability because, for some days, its food was placed in a brass vessel."
• "nearly 200 eggs are laid in one nest. The eggs are held in great estimation, but the "white" does not become hard by boiling.
  

The Car Thing

I've fallen in love several times before. Perhaps most deeply with the man I married. Perhaps second-placed deeply with Eddie. Eddie was my jeep. No, not just my jeep. Eddie was my friend, my companion, my symbol of freedom and adventure.
Born in 1987 in a factory wherever jeeps are made, Eddie was a dark blue color, four door Jeep Cherokee with the California plates that have sunsets on them. By the time he became part of my life he had been owned by both my uncle and my brother. His dark blue exterior had been worn down to the color of well-loved blue jeans by the salty air of the Pacific Ocean and he was very clean.
Eddie came into my life at a time when my life was in transition. I had joined he HSU women's rowing team, I had dumped my boyfriend of 2 years and I had just moved in with several girls that I new from the dorms into a house off campus. Sure he smelled like gasoline, sure it took a little coaxing to get up steep hills, but dammit, he was mine. After all, what intense relationship isn't deeply disturbing and flawed?
H-man and I went on several of our beginning dates in Eddie. It was in Eddie that our first child, Francois the French Fry made his home. We spent 6 hours stuck on the Lost Coast (fitting name) waiting for a tow truck in Eddie when he had broken down on the Mendocino Fault when we stopped to look at a bobcat. We took Eddie to Texas to see our friends get married, and then two years later we ourselves were married when we drove Eddie to Las Vegas.
It was soon after this that Eddie became more of a burden than a blessing. He needed constant care, monthly trips to the mechanic. He ate much more gas than he was worth and the back seat no longer folded down to make a spacious backseat for camping. Often I would barely make it home from work with steam pouring out from under Eddie's hood. I had to make the decision to end it.
I posted on craigslist, with pics, ,my beautiful boy, Eddie. Asking price $850 or best offer. Several days later I was trading Eddie for a fistful of cash and a brand new bike. I was now carless.
It has been 2 years since I sold Eddie and people often ask me if I regret getting rid of my car. I always say the same thing: I miss having the convenience of a car whenever I want ( we still have H-man's car but he lives in another part of the state right now) but I don't miss paying for gas, insurance, registration and maintenance. I don't like a lot of the people who ride the bus, but I don't have to drive myself and I get a lot more reading done. I'm much more active than I used to be, since I have to walk to the bus stops and various other location. I miss being able to hop in my car and go wherever, whenever, but I am able to find peace and beauty in my surroundings and am in much better tune with my immediate environment.
I used to see him around, with his new owners. They had replaced one of his doors with a red one. I will never know why. I haven't spotted him in months though and part of me knows that he has passed on to that great parking garage in the sky.
So long old friend.

Kermit Dresses and Tights as Sleeves

I just watched "poker face" again. sans whining feline in the background. I can feel it coming on. That horrible fascination with crappy, mass produced music.
I fancy myself somewhat intelligent, creative and unique. I like to think that I'm uninfluenced by mass media and popular opinion. I watch The Golden Girls and read a lot. I'm an individual just like everyone else. But explain that to H-man when I forced him to listen to "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie a billionty times when I heard it in New Zealand. Explain it to me now that I've watched Lady Gaga for the second time today. Maybe it has something to do with this:
Yes, this is Lady GaGa in a dress made out of Kermit Dolls. I freaking love it. I would even say that I wouldn't even have thought to listen to her music if I hadn't seen this. And yes, I loved it when Bjork wore a dead swan dressThere's just something about these weird clothing choices that call out to me. Perhaps it's because I myself don't have the sand to wear stuffed/dead/stuffed-dead animals as clothing. I bought a jean jacket once. It was too hip to bear, I gave it away. I did manage this little number for a night though:
That's me on the right, in the red skirt, fishnets and a shirt that says "Groupie Looking for Musicians". Man that was a great night. But I still haven't written any catchy songs.
By the way, when Lady GaGa says "po-po-po-poker face" I get the image of poking her in the face in my head.

True Story

I was just watching Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" video on youtube. In my defense it was purely scientific, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I thought to myself "Huh, she sure has charisma, but man what a strange song" then I turned around and realized that Stella Cat was whining quietly at the door in time to the song, that's why the song sounded so weird, or was it?