Mood Swings

three minutes of joy
two minutes of pure panic
five weeks til' baby

Ahhh, Love

I've been bugging the husband to shave for ohhh... about three weeks now. Jeremiah Johnson has nothing on him. We watched a video about a beard and mustache competition, I suggested he enter. We've gone to the supermarket and a woman approached him about his spectacular beard. It's really, really ridiculous.
Yesterday I had "Ferngully: The Last Rainforest" on as I cleaned up around the house. I noticed that all the "bad guys" had facial hair. In bed last night I commented on this.
Me: "You know in Ferngully, all the bad guys had facial hair, that means you would be a bad guy in a cartoon"
H: "Well, I guess that means you would be a bad guy too"

touche.

From Perfectly Healthy and Happy, to not.

I'm frustrated with my current medical situation. How can it be that I am (nearly) perfectly healthy and fine when I leave Humboldt, then come down here and suddenly have gestational diabetes and am too heavy and have to count the times my baby moves through out the day and come in if he doesn't move a certain amount a day (because, apparently that means he's dead) and have to get my blood drawn and am anemic and all sorts of other crap that just makes me want to scream?
This sucks. Get born soon, Baby.Well, not too soon.
Also, try telling a pregnant woman she can't have ice cream. I dare you.
I nearly broke down today at the thought of a blueberry muffin.

Words of, apparent, advice

I'm now 8 months pregnant. Because of this I often get unsolicited advice from people I know very little or not at all. I have learned several things from women in the past 8 months. Let me share:

• Older women always say "Ask for your pain medication early, and ask for a lot of it.
  
• Younger women say "It's really not that bad, don't worry"
• I'm obviously having a boy because I'm "so wide"
• I'm obviously having a girl because I crave vegetables and fruit
• If I drink raspberry leaf tea I will be thrown into early contractions
  
• If I drink raspberry leaf tea I will tone my uterus and have an easy labor when I need to
• I will be the most uncomfortable I have ever been in my life for the last three months
• I need to exercise and gain very little weight
  
• I need to relax more as this will be the last time I will get a good night's sleep
• I need to gain more weight
• I need to lose weight.
  
• Holding ice in my bare hands for 60 seconds is the same feeling as having a contraction
• My colostrum should have come in by now
• My colostrum won't come until I give birth
• The position my baby is in now is the position he will be born in
• The position my baby is in now means nothing.
  

The reality? I feel quite comfortable, I'm not worried about labor and I weigh just as much as I should thankyouverymuch. Also, I no longer sleep through the night as I get up to pee at least once during the night.
The only negative side of being 8 months pregnant? Every time I read about giving birth and having a baby I have a mild panic attack, not at the thought of labor, but at the thought of being responsible for a human life besides my own. Wish me luck.

Stellar Communication Skills

In which H and I discuss a variety of topics.

Politics
H: Gavin Newsom dropped out of the gubernatorial race.
M: Hmm, why? I would have voted for him, he's hot, I mean I agree with his political views.
H: Something about not having enough time as mayor and family man.
30 seconds later...
M: So why did he drop out?

Household affairs:
M: I smeared some borax, salt and vinegar on that stain in the bedroom carpet.
H: okay, does it work?
M: I don't know, we'll find out later
30 seconds later H walks into the bedroom
H: Gah! What is this white crap all over the floor?

Culinary Skills:
H: Your dough looks, uh, a little gooey.
M: Shut up! Go away!
H: What does the recipe say?
M: It says leave me alone and shut up!

Time Management:
H: Hi Babe, what did you do today?
M: I did nothing, I played World of Warcraft for 8 hours straight.
H: Yeah, I thought the house looked pretty nice.

Child Rearing:
M: I love you, H-man, you're the best thing to ever happen to me and I adore everything about you. I'm so lucky that you married me.
H: What?