Sunday, July 19, 2009

Back in St. Olaf.....

I watch The Golden Girls. I watch it a lot. I watch it so much that H-man and I randomly burst into the theme song throughout the day. I watch it so much that our baby is going to be consoled only by the sound of Bea Arthur's voice saying "Shut up Rose".
I have some opinions on the show, particularly about the various guest characters. Man are some of them jerks, hypocrites and just plain mean. For example:

#1Chick Vennera as Pepe/ Enrique Mas-

This guy makes a couple of appearances, once in season 4, and twice in season 5. In season 4 he plays "Pepe" a prize fighter that Sophia invests in in order to raise a great amount of money for the household. Pepe is portrayed as a blood thirsty animal who only cares about killing his opponent in the ring. He's dumb as an ox, can barely speak English (or any language for that matter) and appears to be shoe-in for the prize. The night before the fight, Pepe goes missing, and the girls follow his trail to an abandoned warehouse where they expect to find some kind of distasteful happenings occurring. But, they were wrong. Pepe is practicing his violin in order to prepare for his audition for Julliard. He scolds the women for assuming he was just a mindless killing machine (although that's how he portrayed himself) and claims that Anglos see a Hispanic man and buy into the idea that they are dumb and useless, again, exactly as he was pretending to be. The next day Pepe gets punched in the head at the fight and can't remember the violin piece he was to preform for the Julliard people. Instead he delivers a soliloquy he had berated the ladies with about how he's Latino and Human at the same time. As you can imagine, he gets accepted to Julliard.
But here's the kicker: Mr. Vennera returns in season 5. Not as Pepe, no, as Enrique Mas. Rose's prejudice and overbearing boss at a consumer report television show. After all his diatribe about being interchangeable and not seen as an individual, Pepe returns as a completely different character! Deceit! Hypocrisy! Que Horrible!

#2 Ann Francis as Trudy-


Oh Trudy. You horrible woman! Dorothy's best friend from high school is in town for a high school reunion. The pair have been competitive since forever, playing pranks on each other and and the such. After they reunite and fling insults at each other, the pair decided to play a "friendly" match of tennis. During the match, Trudy drops dead, but the fun is only beginning. At the school reunion that evening Dorothy tearfully admits to her fellow alumnus that Trudy died that morning during an especially vigorous match of tennis. Dorothy feels that it is all her fault and decides to retire to her room inconsolable. While the other girls try to think of ways to make Dorothy feel better, someone makes a grand entrance that changes everything. Trudy had faked her own death to play a joke on Dorothy and is ready to enjoy the party. What a bitch! Rose, Blanch and Sophia make Trudy go to Dorothy and apologize but when they go back to her room, everyone is in for a big surprise. Dorothy is in bed with Trudy's husband, Jack. Ha! Of course this all ends up being a big joke on Trudy, because let's face it, who would sleep with Dorothy?

#3 Herb Edelman as Stan Zbornak I hate to admit it, but I have special place in my heart for Stan. Despite him being possible the biggest douche in Miami, down deep he is sweet, sympathetic and cares about Dorothy very much. That being said, this character is the most decietful, coniving, sex-driven (even more so than Blanch) character to appear on the Golden Girls. Dorothy and Stan were married for 38 years and as Dorothy says he was cheating on her for 39 of those years. He left Dorothy after all this time for a flight attendant, but like with all his relationships and business ventures he falls on his face.
Stan takes Sophia to a baseball game where she gets hit on the head with a ball, Stan tries to milk it for all it's worth and ends up losing money in the end. Stan informs Dorothy that he was lying about his taxes for the entire time they were married and now Dorothy is in trouble with the IRS. Stan tries to convince the girls to give him $1000 each at Christmas time to invest in a plastic vomit company, this of coure is a lie, he was jsut trying to get some cash to make it through the Holidays. He remarries succssfully to a very nice woman only to come on to Blanch and Dorothy continuously. Stan takes the cake, has sex with it then dumps it for a younger cake.